May 2012
7 posts
Pale Problems
People when I'm wearing normal "pale" foundation: Your make up doesn't match your skin! You look like a dorrito!
People when I actually find a foundation that matches my skin: Oh my God you're so pale, are you okay? Have you ever heard of bronzer? Why don't you go out in the sun? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Dumbledore: Hey I've never met you
Petunia: ...
Dumbledore: And this is crazy
Dumbledore: Your sister died
Dumbledore: So here's her baby
Petunia: ...
My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh...
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
April 2012
16 posts
March 2012
2 posts
February 2012
25 posts
Recycling Guy: Would you like to hear about some ways to reduce your input of waste into landfill?
Security Guy: Well, actually, I'm quite a fan of landfill and all of its benefits to the environment.
5 reasons why my grades suck
jeannieweeenie:
lazy
procrastination
I fall asleep in class or zone out
Food > homework
the teacher probably hates me and wants to destroy my future so it’s not really my fault. It’s theirs.
jamiejenkins:
Burritos, coffee, queer radio, driving, kangaroos, rabbits, creepy streets, perth hills, mundaring fuel stations, creepier windier streets, white-teethed black murderers, struggling to get up hills, scary goats riding bikes, “only cut off 3 fingers”
y w3 s0 c00l 4?~~????~?
Plus following random cars, Jamie’s retarded laugh, making Tori scream, almost peeing our pants,...
My nephew is a tumblr kid in the making...
…looking at my computer screen going ‘CAT! CAT! YAYYYYY!’ and then ‘:O CAKE! YUMMMMMM!’
jamiejenkins:
lickmyballzz:
Your housekeys are not a suitable substitute for ID to get into a nightclub. Just saying Tori. :|
hahahahahahahahahhahahahaha oh god ahahahhaha <3
I do believe I was showing him my kiwi keyring, not the keys. :D Gosh guys, get it right!
