Oh, the insanity.

May 14

[video]

People when I'm wearing normal "pale" foundation: Your make up doesn't match your skin! You look like a dorrito!
People when I actually find a foundation that matches my skin: Oh my God you're so pale, are you okay? Have you ever heard of bronzer? Why don't you go out in the sun? What the fuck is wrong with you?

What to do when bored? Bake cookies! (Taken with Instagram at Coffee on The Crescent)

[video]

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.

…the more I watch this, the more I am crying with laughter… :P

did-yuo-kno:

Help raise awareness and keep bears out of trees! Reblog if you have a heart.

drop bears!

^ bahahahahah <3 ^

[via]

And now I’m all full of burgers… (Taken with Instagram at Jus Burgers)